The Traffic Cop
by Eternally a Weeping Sunflower
Summary: Yao the traffic cop enjoys tormenting Ivan's life; especially when it has to do with Ivan's horrible driving skills. He follows Ivan around all the time and gives him tickets on purpose just to piss him off. Ivan and Yao compete against each other in everything, always trying to out do one another to see who's the best. Is this attraction or true hate? Good story bad summary. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Why did I type this up? WHY? I got this idea from my sister when we were watching Parking Wars on TV. She told me it would be hilarious if I wrote a fanfic based on something about the show; so I did it. ...Enjoy? I think it's funny imo..but then again I am the one who typed it up.

This takes place in modern times in New-york city. OOC? You tell me, honestly I am so confused with myself right now...

ALL OF THIS IS NOT ACCURATE ABOUT TRAFFIC COP! Some of it is, some of it isn't I just did it to make it a little funnier, so don't go bitching in the reviews about how 'a traffic cop can't do that!' I already know bro, i already know.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA!**

**On with the story!**

**XxX**

Another orange slip.

Ivan angrily threw his hot coffee down to the concert ground, making it splatter all over the place on the sidewalk and a little into the streets. Some of it got on his pant leg and went through the thin, polyester fabric causing it to sting his legs from the intense heat.

"Fuck, fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!" Ivan growled rolling up his left pant leg that got coffee on it and rubbing his now stinging skin. That evil Chinese transvestite gave him yet another ticket for his 'parking violation'. Bull fucking shit. Ivan wasn't going to lie to himself or anyone else when admitting that he was indeed; an awful driver. Ivan wasn't sure how he had passed that drivers test, but he took a wild guess that the driving instructor was mostly likely tired of seeing his face there every fifteen days to re-take it. Ivan saw an elderly woman walking by put her frail hands over the child's ear's she was walking with and glared at him before continuing down the sidewalk. Ivan smiled sheepishly before putting a scowl back on his face.

He knew who that Chinese man was; it was his neighbor who lived around in his neighborhood and lived only seven houses down from him. Not only did Yao like bothering Ivan when he was on the job, but he also liked screwing up his personal life also, so Ivan decided since he couldn't do it on the job; that he would fuck up Yao's personal life too. They both knew each others name, not by talking to each other and introducing themselves, but sometimes their mail got mixed up.

**XxX ((Flash back time))**

_One day Yao walked over to Ivan's house and knocked on his door, Ivan open it and glared at Yao who glared back with equal intensity. Yao silently held up the piece of mail he hand between his middle and pointer finger in Ivan's face. _

"_I believe they've gotten our mail mixed up...__**Ivan.**__" The smaller of the two smirked when he saw Ivan shiver a little bit as his name rolled of his tongue. Ivan sneered at him before snatching it quickly from Yao a little too fast and giving Yao a small paper cut. Yao hissed at Ivan then snatched his mail from Ivan's other hand that was trying to conceal it from his sight. Ivan chuckled darkly and Yao couldn't help but let a small shiver go down his spine at his deep laugh. _

_Yao stepped back and put his injured middle finger up to his mouth before sticking his small, thick tongue out and licking at the now oozing wound, all the while staring Ivan straight in the eye. Ivan gulped loudly and suppressed a blush that threatened to make it way on his cheeks before grabbing the knob of his door and slowly closing it before saying. "Yes...they have indeed mixed up our mail...__**Yao.**__" __The last thing Ivan saw was a red-faced little man shaking with rage before slamming the door in his face. _

_Ivan turned around and put his mail in one of the small end tables by the door then closed the drawer and locked it with a key. He saw that his younger sister Natalia had paused her movie and eating of the vanilla ice cream she had in a blue bowl and just stared at Ivan with wide eyes. Ivan stared back at her and they did a little staring contest until Ivan blinked. Natalia's right eye twitched before she rolled her eyes then said;_

"_Too much sexual tension is not good for you big brother." Then continued back to what she was doing which was eating her vanilla ice cream and and putting her movie back on 'play'. _

_'Sexual tension? What is she talking about?...Whatever.' Ivan went back into his room and thought about what Natalia said for a while until he finally understood what she said before cringing in slight disgust and shaking the thought off before going to bed._

_'Haha..little Natalia is very funny, da? 'Sexual tension' PFFFT! Preposterous!' _

**XxX ((End flashback))**

He was a cocky arrogant little shit head that enjoyed taking the time out of his life to screw up Ivan's day on purpose. Ivan could see it in his eyes; he enjoyed seeing Ivan pissed and upset. Yao and Ivan surprisingly went to work around the same time every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and sometimes Sunday.

11:25 AM.

Every morning they both would leave the house at the exact same time, trying to see who could lock their door the fastest and who could make it to their car first before the other. It was like an on-going contest that continued forever. They both knew that they were being extremely childish but neither of them seemed to care because this...the thing that went on between them wasn't a friendly game of toss and catch. Oh no, this was something much more intense.

This...

THIS. WAS. WAR.

The two idiot's would compete against each other about everything, who could get their newspaper the fastest, who's lawn looked better whenever they got it freshly cut by the neighborhoods best. Ivan won most of them, and it sure did feel good to see the anger the boiled over on the other man's face when he did.

But it all got worse when Yao got that promotion at his job, not only did he get a patrol car but, this time he could produce the tickets faster than before with a little ticket-printing machine instead of writing it down by hand with a ball-point pen. Ivan's deep thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a familiar...**LITTLE MACHINE! **Ivan glanced up quickly and saw Yao standing right in front of him with a big smirk on his flawless face. Ivan's mouth was open agape, he was speechless; Yao was giving him _another ticket._

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing? You already gave me a ticket so you can't give me another one, you-you evil little demon doll!" Ivan screeched, oh no, Yao was not going to give him two tickets in one day like he did last week; it cost 175$ all together with both of them combined, he had to go without a pack of smokes for two weeks because of that. Yao took his attention away from the little machine in his hand and looked at Ivan with a boggled expression.

"What do you mean I already gave you a ticket today? You must be mistaken...I gave you two tickets in one day LAST week, maybe you need to lay down for a bit?" Yao came back cockily, flashing a shit eating grin all the while. Ivan pulled at his rough, course hair "Yes you did, see!" Ivan ripped the Orange ticket from off his car and showed it to Yao triumphantly. Yao looked the ticket over with squinting eyes for a few moments before laughing.

Why was he laughing? Shouldn't he be growling at him by now? He lost! He already gave Ivan a ticket for that one parking violation and he can't do it again unless it was a different violation. Yao gripped his stomach and tossed his head back, ponytail whipping around with every move he made. Ivan was not amused and just stood there and waited for his laughing to quiet down. Yao stopped laughing and wiped the fake tears away from his eyes before regaining his stiff composure.

Yao handed Ivan the ticket back and this time he added the new ticket he just produced to Ivan too. "The FIRST ticket was made by Raivis your...'henchmen'...and if the person who got the ticket didn't do anything to fix his violation by the time another traffic cop comes around then they can and will mostly liked be FINED once again. Let that be a little lesson for you, so you better remember that next time."

Ivan was internally raging on the inside trying to keep calm but only got angrier once he read the new ticket Yao had just given him.

_'First fine: Parked next to a fire hydrant= 128$'_

_'Second fine: Littering= 7$'_

He was definitely going to get Raivis when he got home...why would he GIVE HIS BOSS A TICKET?!

"I was fined for throwing my coffee on the ground by a TRAFFIC COP?! You cannot do that, you are not the police you arrogant little shit head!" Ivan growled, was this even legal!?

Yao snarled then rolled his eyes. "If I see it as something petty and as simple at that; I can do it. Now if you'll excuse me it seems to be my break time and I can't be wasting it with someone that's uneducated when it comes to being street smart. Good day..._Ivan." _and with that Yao turned around and walked the other way towards a star-bucks coffee shop to sit down and relax for a few minuets.

Once Yao made it inside the coffee shop and ordered a caramel cappuccino and a jelly-filled donut then sat down at a tall table near the window so he could get a good view of Ivan. Yao had a little difficulty making his way onto the high seat because it was so high and he was a tad bit to small, he struggled for a few minutes but he finally managed to get into one and cheer silently to himself because he could never make his way onto one of them before. Yao looked out the clean, un-smudged glass window to see if Ivan was still there, he was and he was currently kicking the trunk of this car most likely shouting profanities at it in rage.

Yao licked his lips then smirked once more; messing with Ivan was like getting high. Yao enjoyed fucking up his day all the time simply because it was funny when he got so angry over a few tickets here and there. Plus when he was pissed off and yelling at him Yao noticed that his Russian accent got thicker and Yao absolutely _loved it. _Another plus was that they didn't live to far away from each other and that meant he could screw with Ivan's mood anytime of any day. Yao turned his attention back to Ivan who was bended over picking up the orange slips from the ground that he threw there earlier.

'…...He has a nice ass...looks...looks firm...'

'Wait.._what?' _Yao spit out half of the cappuccino that was in his mouth, receiving a few glares of disgust from other customers but he ignored them.

...He did not find the Russian attractive...did he..? Yao awkwardly just laughed the thought off to himself, there was no way...yeah...he's just being in denial right now..tomorrow he'd be laughing his ass off at Ivan again once he starts giving him more new tickets...yeah...good times.

**XxX**

**OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIVE I JUST TYPED THIS UP!**

Someone send help, have I hit rock bottom yet or..? I wanted to make up something original but jfc this...THIS I am crying buckets on laughter over here..I seriously cannot believe I just spent 2 hours typing this up...send help...someone send help.

Do you guys even like this? Should I continue? IS IT FUNNY? Reviews make me happy and update faster. ~wink wonk~ Point out spelling and grammar errors and sentences that make no sense too!

gimmie reviews.

i want reviews.

i need reviews.

back up the review.

drop the review on this fanfic.

don't stop the reviews.

GIMMIE DAT REVIEW!

OK I'll stop now...till next time my loves! I will put up the next chapter of 'The Pilot and the Flight Attendant' in a few days so don't fret, this was just something that happened out of the blue and had to be typed up immediately!

Bye bye~! 3


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the long wait...writers block sucks and well..read the AN at the bottom before you leave the story please! Urgh sorry, this chapter is just filler and has only a little bit to do with a traffic cop! -Bangs head against the wall- I'm sorry, I tried really hard on this chapter...it's garbage...sorry guys, try not the flame me too much..just not feeling all that great lately. :(

**xXx**

BAM!

The sound of the front door to Ivan's two story house slammed closed as Ivan angrily stomped his way into the living room and threw his car keys on the brown leather chair, along with his coat and scarf, desperate to get his hot clothing off after standing in line in heat for two whole hours. After he got off work he went to the DMV to go pay off yet ANOTHER TICKET! Dammit Yao! Ivan went into the kitchen and saw Raivis texting away on his lame flip phone. Ivan's snarl only got wider when he stood there for a good three minutes of being completely ignored by Raivis.

"RAIVIS!" Ivan screamed and slammed his hand down on the counter which made the forks and spoons fall off and scatter all over the floor making a few marks in the tile, but Ivan could care less about that, he was focused on Raivis right now and wanted to have a nice long talk with him about ticketing.

Raivis screeched "Ahh! O-oh my goodness! S-sir..what is the problem? W-was it Yao again...?" He asked timidly because he knew that bringing up Yao was a 'touchy' subject with Ivan. Ivan paced back and forward around the kitchen with his head down. He stopped all of a sudden and was only a few inches from Raivis' face and caused him to go pale and shiver at his intense glare. "S...Sir?" He squeaked out. Ivan went in his pant pocket and pulled out a orange slip from them before shoving it roughly against Raivis' face. "This! Do you see this? Who's name is on it? Come on, tell me!" Ivan demanded.

Raivis grabbed it cautiously from Ivan's hand so he could stop suffocating him with it and read it silently before getting wide eyes and shaking violently. "I-it says...m-my name...S..sir.." Ivan put a creepy smile on his face and clapped with fake excitement then sat down on the black leather and metal stool before putting both hands under his chin and batting his eyelashes falsely. "Wow! Who would of thought!? All this time I thought it said YAO! But no, oh no it clearly says YOUR NAME ON THE FUCKING TICKET!" He exploded, usually Ivan wasn't this crude to him but this time he went too far.

Raivis stayed quiet out of fear of being yelled at more for explaining what happened, he knew the car belonged to Ivan...and he may or may not have did it on purpose just to piss Ivan off. He sat there quietly and let Ivan continue his on going rage because he knew he wouldn't stop until he got tired. "Why? Why would you give your BOSS a ticket? Wh-what is wrong with you? Are you thinking straight, do you need mental help? What? What is it!?"

Oh hell no. Ivan did not just ask him if he needed mental help when it was clearly HIM that needed mental help and anger management classes. Raivis stood up off the stool with some courage he thought he never had and told Ivan off.

"Y-you can't be the one asking me if I need mental help w-when it it clearly YOU who needs mental help! Y-you're the crazy one here and so is your c-creepy younger sister Natalia! Both of you are creepy and are in desperate need of anger management classes because you don't know how to control your temper! Why do you think Yao keeps messing with you? BECAUSE HE LIKES SEEING YOU UPSET BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY TO HIM WHEN YOU TAKE THINGS SO SERIOUSLY!" Raivis blew his top off and immediately regretted it when Ivan just stared at him with a blank expression before getting off the stool and walking out the front door.

"W-whoops..." He laughed quietly then yelped when he felt a petit hand on his shoulder. He turned around slowly and saw that it was Natalia. "N-natalia...how long have you been standing there?" He asked. Natalia simply glared at him under the halo of hair and shadow around her eyes before bringing up a bag that looked oddly like...oh no.

The make-up kit.

Raivis tried to walk backwards quickly trying to escape from her but Natalia advanced over to him quickly then grabbed him by his hair tightly before walking up the stairs with Raivis in tow. "Oh little Raivis...I cannot wait to make you pretty...I am crazy correct? So lets see how crazy I can get with your make-up you ungrateful little pig." She growled out before opening the pink door to her room, an aroma of freshly cut daffodils hit their noses as she pushed it open then dragged them both in before shutting the door behind them, then all that was heard was a cackle and a scream.

**XxX**

Ivan slammed the front door of his house closed again before locking it and walking off his porch steps. He decided to go for a little drive again, no idea why...he knew he was a horrible driver but at the moment he really didn't care, he just wanted to get out of the neighborhood. He walked over to his garage and tried to open it with the remote connected to it but all it did was make a few mechanical noises; the door wouldn't open. Ivan only did what he knew to do when things didn't work or go his way; he kicked it. He began kicking it with his large feet leaving a few dents here and there all the while making quite a lot of noise, alarming a few neighbors who stood outside to see what was going on. Too busy to notice the other people standing outside their door and looking at their windows glaring at him, Ivan didn't notice a certain patrol car parked right outside of his house making to attempt to move at all.

"Hey! What are you doing now you idiot? Jeez, I know you're angry but do you really have to take it out on your own property? Wait..you know what, no continue doing what you're doing, I love seeing your house look like shit all the time." A familiar Chinese accented voice yelled from across his lawn. Ivan quickly turned his head toward the voice and saw Yao sitting in his patrol car with his head out the window.

Good, Yao was here now so he had someone to take his anger out on. Ivan went into his shed on the left side of the house and took out a bag of heavy soil; time to show Yao who's boss. He picked the bag up and held it behind his back, still looking quite suspicious. Yao raised an eyebrow as curiosity struck him when Ivan began to advance over to his car quickly. When Ivan was finally in front of his car he put the bag of soil in front of him and Yao could of sworn he saw lighting and heard evil cackling in the background. Yao quickly stepped out of his car and slammed his door, already knowing what Ivan was trying to pull; not going to happen.

"What do you think you're doing? If you do what I think you're going to do I swear I'l-" FWUSH! All of the soil from the bad went crashing down on top of Yao and Ivan purposely let some go inside the patrol car too. Yao was currently in a state of shock, still trying to figure out what just happened. When his mouth opened some of the dirt fell inside making him cough and hack roughly, attempting to get the awful taste out of his mouth. Ivan smiled triumphantly because he finally got Yao back for the day and he was ecstatic. He watched Yao shake off most of the dirt on him and watched as he tried to get it out of his hair too but it wasn't working so he took it out of his side pony tail and glared holes into Ivan's very soul. Ivan was completely oblivious to Yao shaking with anger as he looked at his face; it was extremely pretty when he let his hair down, almost like a porcelain doll.

"You know, you should really let your hai-OMMF!" Ivan was interrupted as he got struck in the stomach by a strong, yet small hand. Ivan groaned and held his stomach in pain, Yao would pay for that. Ivan then sped up to him and rammed Yao into his car and made him yelp.

"P-put me down! Hey, stop it!" Yao screamed, beating on Ivan's back and kicking around crazily trying to make Ivan lose he balance. Ivan lifted Yao up over his head but Yao's left leg kicked his arm and made him nearly drop Yao to the concrete. Ivan growled, trying to lift him again and hear him screamed like a baby but only heard the sound of a police car alarm sounding off. Ivan dropped Yao on mistake, making him go "Ommfp, watch it you idiot!" Yao moaned out in clear pain and held his ribcage rubbing it to soothe the hurt a little bit.

"You two! I got a complaint from a neighbor about some loud racket going on over here! I'm going to need you two to come with me immediately!" A brown, short haired police officer yelled from across the street inside of a black patrol car. Yao and Ivan both glared at each other, both giving each other looks saying 'This is your fault!'. After five minutes of glaring at each other the police mad had enough, he walked up behind Ivan and Yao one at a time and bashed them both upside the head when they weren't paying attention with a night-stick, watching their now unconscious bodies laying on the concert.

He sighed and rubbed his temples "These two, again?" He shook his head in disappointment, he had to come get these two off of each other about seven times a month; they never gave up! Ludwig would not be happy about seeing these two faces again for the second time this week. Roma shrugged and dragged their unconscious bodies to the patrol car, he had a hard time getting Ivan in there so he just basically threw him in the back seat making him hit his head on the glass window, he didn't stir not one bit; must be a heavy...sleeper? He then threw Yao in the back seat too a little carelessly, he knew he could of sat Yao down gently because he was so light but right now he didn't give a shit. Yao's head hit Ivan's knee and made him groan, "Not so rough Iva..." He cringed at that, he knew there had to some thing going on between the two.

Roma wiped the light sweat from his forehead and headed down for the police station, he still had no idea how Yao kept his job as a traffic cop, maybe it was because he never told Alaric about any of their idiotic encounters before...he sighed, Yao was getting away with too many things on the job..he'd just have to tell Alaric and get him suspended. Yeah, maybe that will teach him a few lessons...but he really didn't want to...only if Alaric caught him, then they would be in trouble..? Roma wasn't su-! "Watch where your going, I don't care if you're a police officer, you need to keep your eyes on the road, jackass!" A yellow sports car with a blonde haired, blue eyed _American _yelled from out his window over a trembling blonde with a weird curl protruding from his head, he tried to get the other to stop and sit down if he knew what was good for him. "Lousy Americans." He growled, he guessed he was thinking too hard and almost lost control of his car.

"I need a break.." He groaned before turning into the parking lot of the police station only to come face to face with a red faced, long haired blonde German standing right in the middle of the parking lot..."oh jeez.." He gulped, Yao and Ivan surely weren't getting out of this one..

**XxX**

**PLEASE READ THIS!  
**

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry! I know I should have updated a long time ago but I have horrid grades and I'm going through a lot of bullying and emotional things right now, plus my writers block has left me totally stumped! This is just a filler chapter, I didn't want to leave you guys hanging any longer so I had to come up with _something! _I still don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going with 'The pilot and the Flight Attendant' but trust me I'm trying _so hard _to think up the next chapter but honestly I am in just a stump...If you don't see any updates for a few, don't fret, I will get around to it when I can but..most likely no more fast updates...sorry! Also there may be millions of spelling errors in this..I will get to that later, I guess. ;A; Don't hate me readers! I still love you! /3

EDIT: Spelling fixed! Please tell me if you found anymore!


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